Homeschooling...why I almost didn't do it

I have heard it said before that God does not call the equipped that He equips the called.  I have heard those words before, and believed them to be true.  However, when I stumbled into uncharted territory, set out on a path doing something that scared me, challenged my faith, stretched my ability, and made me question if I was following His will or mine, I began to understand this on a new level. 

When my son was born about five and a half years ago I felt a strong pull to quit my job in the white-collar banking world and start a home day care so I could be with him.  Through some twists and turns the timing and circumstances were not right and while I longed to be with him, I had to continue working full time outside the home.  In the next couple years, my life changed and I was able to be with him full time, his new little brother, and little sister that would follow.  Well, five years and three beautiful babies later, I felt the pull again, this time to educate my children at home.  I read all the books, prayed about it, and after many discussions with my husband, we decided that homeschooling would be an excellent option for our family.  Then...just like it always happens...in crept the doubt.  And the questioning, and anxiety, worry, fear, and before long I had convinced myself that the very last thing we should do is home school the kids. 

A few months went by and I had the opportunity to travel across the country to a conference to listen to a Christian business woman that I have much respect for.  So, there I am many miles from home , away from my babies, and dragging a breast-pump around town.  And He lays this on my heart again.  I want you to home school your children.  Uh...no.  Yeah...no.  And here is why God, I can't because of this, and that, and oh, that other thing.  And I proceeded to offer up all the reasons that it wouldn't work, why it didn't make sense, and reminded Him of how I had already made up my mind.  

The funny thing about God is how patient He is with us.  I cannot imagine being so patient with someone so stubborn, and unwilling to submit.  However, thank goodness, He is patient and sure does love this broken woman.  So, I quieted myself for a bit and realized that I had ignored His calling for me for months.  He had already told me what He wanted me to do, had anointed it, and I had added (with the enemy's help...fear being the first and most powerful weapon) a huge layer of reasons why I could not do what God had put upon my heart.

So, here I am, striking out in uncharted territory, with a meager plan, provisions, and a lot of hope and faith.  And I am finding something amazing out in the process.  The peace that comes from following Him, and His guidance for my life is amazing.  I have no idea how it all comes to pass, how it all works out and sometimes how I am able to do this, but I am.  And that I have found, thankfully, is good enough for me.  He no longer needs to prove Himself to me, or show me miracles and wonders to reassure this wayward daughter that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.  I am living it, and I cannot imagine a day without His anointing on my life and the path in front of me.  And I am forever thankful for that trip that took me across the country, away from my family, but face to face with the calling He had for me all along.